Fill Your Cup First

Hello, welcome to my long lost blog! I can not tell you how excited I am to be writing this post right now! Whew, where to begin. I started August Dreamin, a little less than a year ago in hopes of giving myself a platform/outlet to speak freely, share my life, and hopefully make some new friends along the way. From the time I realeased my page, to this very day, I can honestly say I am a completely different person. I have different values, different priorities, and a vastly different lease on life.

Since my last post I have been THROUGH IT. I quit school, moved back home, commuted a for a while, started a new job, started school again, changed my “what I want to be when I grow up” answer, and oh yeah I chopped all my hair off (hi, are ya still with me after all that). I wish I could say it was a quick, seamless transition during all that, but then I would be lying.

About 6 months ago I was in the worst place I have ever been in. I was unhappy with life, and it showed. I was unhappy at my job, I was unhappy with the path I was taking in college, and I was definitely unhappy with the state at which I had put the relationships in my life in. I was at a loss and it caused me to struggle, I could feel myself falling into a dark, anxiety riddled pit. You know what I did about it, not a damn thing. I let myself be miserable, self-sabotaging, and quite frankly complacent. I lost the want to invest in my own wellbeing, and it reflected instantly into my life. I was at a point where I just could not see the toll I was taking on not only myself, but those around me.

I think it happens to a lot of us though. We struggle in silence for a while, and then after enough time of ignoring it, the struggle takes over every part of our life. We give in to the nature of the beast, and decide it is just not worth it to fight it. At that point it becomes hard to give to others, when we are empty ourselves.

I am very fortunate though, my family, sweet boyfriend, and my closest friends saw the hole I had been digging for myself, and I was given the opportunity to climb out of it. It was a hard transition period. There was definitely something to be learned about priorities. I had been prioritizing myself, just in the wrong ways. I was concerned with quick fixes and those little meaningless things that would give me a two-second spark of joy, but quickly fade away at the sight of any inconvenience. I had to learn how to care for myself again, and make choices that yielded meaningful and lasting results.

It is human nature to heap things onto our plate, until we cannot see our own needs and desire amongst the stack. Between things like family, work, and school-we forget to take care of ourselves. In most cases we know what we need to do to succeed, but we are afraid to take the leap of faith or scared of the time it takes to accomplish our goals. In other instances, we really don’t know what the next steps we need to take are, and we are too prideful (that’s my problem) or to worried to simply reach out and ask for genuine guidance.

Fast forward. After what felt like a lifetime of getting back on track and putting emphasis on what truly matters to me, I can say that I am happier than I have ever been. I get to go to work everyday, at a job that inspires me and challenges me and allows me to help others. I have started school again, and I am working towards a degree that I am passionate and excited for. Most importantly though, I have started to mend the relationships with people that I had battered, as a result of my self-destruction.

If you get anything out of this, it is to FILL YOUR CUP FIRST! Be persistent in the pursuit of things that bring you happiness and joy. When your cup is full, you have the ability to give and help and learn. Start prioritizing yourself and your needs. It may take a long time, it may be scary, and there may be that ounce of doubt in you that says it is not the right time or the finish line is unattainable. But do it! The outcome is so worth it! Being happy, and healthy, and wholesome is undervalued in our lives and we have to change that stigma! Do something for you, even if it is a small thing. My mom shared a quote the other day and it rings soooo damn true in this scenario. “Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction, ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tiptoe if you must, but take a step”

One last thing, to any of my friends/family/readers, if you ever need something REACH OUT! I don’t always have the best advice, but sometimes we all need someone to listen and just say “That sucks, let me be here for you until this season passes”. I am so thankful for all of you and I hope this urges you to do something for yourself! I love you all so much!

XOXO -B